new year, new routine

Last week was not my best as a parent. I'm not totally sure why. Elias was cranky. I was cranky. Everyone was still feeling generally run-down, recovering from colds and catching up after a crazy couple of months. Nothing any other 18 month old hasn't done - a clearly stir-crazy toddler put up a fight when I said it was time to go, that sort of thing. Over and over. All day long. We're definitely in the delightful "no" phase. So by Friday, mama was more than ready for a break. Neal took Elias for much of the morning both Friday and Saturday, first on an epic play session at one of the nearby playgrounds where he captured these images.  Apparently he was really interested in the little hole in the side of the rock, putting in leaves, taking them out.

I love this one:

A rare shot of Elias still, sitting, in focus even!

This week is going much, much better so far. Maybe because it's our last full week together before Elias begins daycare next week, or maybe it's because finally our mornings aren't occupied by endless errands and last-minute Christmas shopping. Not surprisingly - since I was there - he did just fine during his first brief visit to our new daycare provider today. We go again tomorrow, together, and then next week he'll be on his own. I'm not sure his good behavior necessarily bodes well for next week, or as several well-meaning folks have suggested, maybe he'll surprise us all. I'm pretty certain he's going to be very unhappy on Monday morning. But hopefully the transition will go as smoothly as can be expected. All fingers crossed, please!

18 months

The 18 month language explosion. I remember reading about this stage and thinking, right, as if it happens like that, as if babies are on some sort of tidy, predictable schedule.  Ha! You can't fool me anymore, little one!  But it does seem like language is the theme of the month.  I was catching up on our copy of What to Expect: The Toddler Years (a book I read much less regularly than its infancy counterpart last year) and by the end of month 18 they write in the possibly-maybe-it's-a-longshot category that some toddlers will be speaking 50+ words.  50+ words! That's CRAZY, I told Neal. We figured Elias was using a solid ten words or so and nodded in satisfied agreement, and then decided to start a list.  Turns out Elias is using about three times as many words as we, off the top of our heads, had estimated.  It depends how you count animal sounds (do they count as "words" for those animals?) and very simplified words/sounds (like "la la" for music or singing...that sorta thing).  But here's the dictionary so far, a work in progress:

ah (for teeth or brushing teeth)
awa (for agua/water)
baa (for sheep)
baby
bathroom (it's hard to write out how this sounds but it's pretty close to the real deal)
boom boom (for balloon)
bowl (for bowl or plate)
bubbles
bun (for spoon or fork...or spork, as the case may be)
bye/buh-bye
dabo (for dipping, something he likes to do with any and all foods)
daddy
dop (for drop or dropped)
done (sometimes he says "ah done" as in "all done," sometimes just "done")
eee (for eggs - does that count?)
go (he was saying gaa go, as in "gotta go" for awhile but not lately)
hat
hoo hoo (for monkey...although I know this means something else in some families, if you get my meaning)
i (for fries and rice...see what I mean)
knee
la la (for music or singing)
lellow (for yellow)
mommy (sometimes he says, simply, "mom" and laughs, like he's calling me by my first name)
moo (for cow)
moon (n sound included, as of recently)
nana/nani (for banana)
nano (this one's a bit mysterious but it's definitely associated with trains and we think more and more means outside, as in going outside to see a train)
nigh nigh (for night night)
no
not (this is sort of a combination of bonk/nut from a book he has in which one of the main characters has a nut drop on his head and the book reads "bonk" when it happens - so this generally is said whenever somebody hits their head on something)
num num (for num num/yummy, i.e. at dinner)
poo poo (what else; interestingly he doesn't really say pee pee...)
pop (as in pop the bubbles)
tee tee (for TV)
toot toot (for train, his most favorite thing of all)
up
woof woof (for dogs, wolves, etc.)

I'm not sure I organized that correctly, more by sound than by the word he means when he makes the sound. Hmm.  Oh well, you get the idea. Fascinating, isn't it?  It really is my favorite thing about this age, I think.  When he first said bathroom, clearly the most complex word in his vocabulary, I had this flash of, wow, I'm going to be able to communicate with this person one day!  Imagine the possibilities!

Otherwise, month 18 was, frankly, a little rough.  With no daycare but several orders I'd already committed to, and Christmas right after, every day was a struggle to try to be a good stay-at-home mom and make plans, twice daily (morning and post-nap), to keep Elias busy and content, run errands, and make the most of his sleeping time, which meant every waking minute he was asleep I was working away in what felt like my own little sweat shop most evenings (not that I'm complaining!).  On top of that, Elias's nighttime sleep in particular was still less than ideal, waking up at least once a night for mysterious reasons.  I finally took him to an allergist after taking him back to his regular pediatrician, with no answers, thinking perhaps he was still having milk allergy issues after all (runny nose/persistent cough being one of the symptoms).  We did a blood test (aka baby torture) which revealed no allergies (yay!) and the allergist, who is now his regular pedi as well (third time's a charm, it seems), concluded that he probably had some lingering constricted airway issues from the virus he picked up at daycare #1 back in November.  And/or picked up a second virus on top of that, which, in hindsight, seems likely since I'm now about ten days into some sort of crazy, lingering, deep in the chest respiratory thing.  Bleh.  Honestly, at least one of us has had a cold at all times ever since we moved here in July! What gives, California?!

Additionally, early in the month we visited one of the first daycare providers I called a couple of months ago, before the Monday thing fell into place (and then fell apart), and put down a deposit to hold a part-time slot to begin after the New Year. Next week we'll begin the transition, visiting, together, on the mornings of the days he'll be there.  Hopefully this will help with the whole trust thing and he won't be so freaked out when I leave him there the following week.  He'll probably still freak out, though. I'm bracing myself for a rough transition, but hoping three days a week will be enough time for him to adjust a little more quickly than he did at the last place.

As for me, I'm feeling the expected mix of emotions, excited to finally have part of the week back to work and hopeful that this will help not only in terms of my getting stuff done but also as far as the marriage and family time goes during evenings and weekends, instead of feeling like a divorced couple, handing Elias over to Neal for most of the weekend so that I can catch up on work.  But of course I'm sad to see this stage ending. Or changing. Having only two days a week with Elias will be an adjustment, even if it's a largely positive change.  I wish I could do it all.  I know some women do.  Some women manage to be wonderful SAHMs until their little ones go off to preschool and then, or maybe even before then, during their perfect toddler's three-hour naps, launch successful small businesses, but I guess I'm just not one of them.  Since about the one-year mark, I've really felt like something's gotta give and either it's the quality of my time with my kid or my little glimmer of a life of my own.  I don't want to put it all off another 18 months and of course I'm focusing on the pros of daycare, interacting with other kids his age on a regular basis, getting used to someone else taking care of him, etc.

I'll let you know how it goes.  And in the meantime, if you could send me your good toddler transition vibes, I'd sure appreciate it!

Baby's 2nd Christmas

I have so much to catch up on. More consistent baby (or rather, toddler) blogging is on my ever-growing list of New Year's resolutions.  But for now, I thought I'd recap the recent holiday festivities.  Since we traveled for Thanksgiving we decided to stay put for Christmas and the in-laws came to us, which was as nice as it sounds.  December was one crazy blur of figuring out the daycare dilemma, finishing up work stuff I'd committed to before the daycare drama unfolded, and getting ready for Christmas, which translates to a tree purchased on December 13th but not fully decorated until about ten days later, just to give you an idea.  Good thing Elias was still not all that aware of what this holiday is all about.  Not sure I'll be able to pull off this level of procrastination much longer, though.

On Christmas eve we fulfilled my side of the family traditions by first trekking up the hill to the Mormon Temple, decked out in twinkling lights and with a gorgeous view of Oakland below and the San Francisco Bay beyond, to boot. 

As a bonus, the garden in front of the Temple provided a more or less contained space in which Elias could run free for a bit.  After we were all sufficiently wind-blown, we made our way back down the hill for pizza (courtesy of Zachary's - we got around their holiday schedule by picking up half-baked pies the day before) and the opening of one gift, which just happened to be pajamas (the tradition usually goes like this - pizza, pajamas, lights - but we modified things in order to maintain Elias's 7:30 bedtime and prevent him from falling asleep in the car while looking at lights, which is how we spent Christmas eve last year).  Funny how that Christmas eve gift is always pajamas...

Christmas morning started with various baked goods and a bit of waiting for the families' schedules to sync up, something I'm pretty sure we won't be able to pull off in the future when Elias is more aware of what's going on. 

Opening gifts was definitely more fun this year than last but it was all still pretty abstract and I think a bit overwhelming for him at times, even though we kept our (and Santa's) spending to a minimum, knowing most of the gifts already under the tree were for him. Our main gift to Elias - a toddler chair - sounds a bit dull but was really a big hit. 

This may sound odd to anyone without kids but Elias's latest trick is, believe it or not, sitting.  For the past few weeks he's been pulling this square arm rest cushion thing we have off the futon in the living room and backing up to it and then lowering to a seated position, like he's sitting on a bench.  He's even tried to sit on the cat a couple of times.  And the chair we settled on is perfect in that it comes apart and provides Elias not only with something he can sit on, but something he can take apart, move around, and climb over.

Other new favorites include a wooden train and train-themed backpack that he's sporting in the picture above (have I mentioned Elias is obsessed with trains? And the moon, but that's a little harder to incorporate into gifts...), as well as a few new toys that involve building blocks and/or wheels and other things that spin, lots of books, lots of clothes, and a new theme in his play curriculum: play food.

Two Christmases down, hopefully many, many more to enjoy.  Stay tuned for an official 18 month update and just generally catching up around here, hopefully before 2009 is over.

between a rock and a hard place

But let me begin on a positive note.  The family and I traveled north to Bend, Oregon to visit my Dad and Grandma for Thanksgiving and the trip was a huge success as far as Elias was concerned.  He was a bit crankier than usual here and there and did fight bedtime a couple of nights but the boy napped!  Can you believe it?!  In his pack 'n' play!  In a guest room!  For a couple of hours at a time!  And although he did resist nighttime sleep, once we successfully got him to bed, he slept pretty well through the night, occasionally requiring some reassurance from Mom and Dad, sleeping on a futon in the same room, but otherwise allowing all of us to sleep better than we have in months.  Pictures from the trip to follow.

The bad news is Elias has officially been expelled from his first daycare experience.  Turns out one day of daycare per week works better on paper than in reality.  The first day I picked him up after lunch and the daycare provider sang his praises, marveling at what an easy kid he was, how he barely noticed I was gone, just saying "Mommy" a few times throughout the morning, but otherwise playing happily with the other kids and eating like the growing boy he is.  The second week was our first full day and the provider's first attempt at an afternoon nap.  It didn't go too well but in the end he napped for about an hour and a half for her, which I found pretty amazing. 

But it was all downhill from there.  Elias picked up a cold the first day, either from daycare or the weekend immediately before that first day, and he still has a bit of chest congestion, a month later.  If you're a regular reader you know that he has a ridiculously sensitive gag reflex - coughing fits during past colds have prompted more than one barfing incident.  Combine that with just generally being pissed off and Elias paired vomiting with his weapon of choice: resisting sleep like it's nobody's business.  Fast forward three weeks and we're pretty much back to where we started, having only succeeded in thoroughly traumatizing both mother and child. 

To be fair to the provider, I think she would have been on board with getting through this if Elias was there more than one or two days a week.  It seems like every kid goes through a rough patch when transitioning to daycare, but when it only happens once a week that transition is bound to take a lot longer.  And the thing is, as a parent, after over 17 months of being practically connected at the hip, once you've experienced that kind of freedom and return to adult life for a few hours during the day, it's hard to go back.  And November was a busy month for me, professionally speaking.  Granted my work and income is bound to be unsteady in the coming months, but I think we've all decided (I guess I can't really speak for Elias, though, can I?) that we'll resume the search for three days a week (or half-days, avoiding the nap issue altogether), cautiously optimistic that I'll continue to have enough orders to make up the difference. 

I learned a lot this past month and will definitely go into future daycare interviews and tours with a different approach and brutal honesty.  The experience was mostly upsetting but also a tiny bit validating.  The past few months have been rough as far as Elias's sleep and recent cranky toddler behavior go and for awhile there I was just overwhelmed with feelings of guilt that I could complain about an otherwise laidback, fun little guy who waves at complete strangers at the grocery store.  Of course, it's not the kind of validation I want - I never imagined Elias would be the kind of kid that would be refused daycare and I still feel like he has the potential to be the kind of kid someone would want to watch.  He's got a lot of things going for him and hopefully with a more consistent schedule and a better match, he'll warm up to the idea of someone else taking care of him every now and then.

17 months

It's hard to get a 17 month old to sit still for very long:

In other news, month 16 was, like month 15, another month of inconsistent napping and restless nights.  There is, as I'm sure you've noticed, a direct correlation between Elias's sleep patterns and my blogging.  And, speak of the devil, someone is waking up from their nap (it was actually a pretty good one...I just got to this part of my weekend to-do list a little late).  Another brief post it is, but I'll try to add a little more to this before we fly north to spend Thanksgiving with Elias's Grandpa Dale and great-Grandma Rose. 

Oh, and in case the blurry images above don't satisfy you, here's one of the few clear images taken in the past month, when we took Elias for a ride on the steam train at Tilden Park recently.

Despite the very serious look on his face the entire time, Elias loves his trains and did not want to give the next group a turn.  Which, of course, is code for, he screamed his head off as we got off the train.  Yes, folks, I belive we have a toddler on our hands.  More on that later...

16 months

My last post was a pretty good recap of month 16 in that it focused on sleep, sleep being the focus of the month.  It's official: Elias is just not the world's greatest sleeper.  I think I'm finally accepting this little fact and trying to control as many other things about my sleep environment as I can, turning the monitor down at night so I won't hear every little peep he makes, going to bed earlier, and bugging Neal about getting a new mattress (it seems to take him about a year longer than me to feel the aches and pains brought on by an old or, in this case, just downright crappy mattress).  Elias is sleeping about as well as he was sleeping during the last post.  It takes him a long time to settle down for a nap, while bedtime has been considerably easier.  But he's still fairly restless through the night crying out briefly one or two times a night, not enough to warrant a visit from one of the parental units but long enough to thoroughly wake me up and make me feel slightly anxious about the whole thing.  On top of that he's been waking up earlier than usual, some mornings as early as 5:45 or so.  I'm still holding out hope that all of this sleep drama will settle down eventually.

When not fighting sleep, Elias continues to practice his verbal skills, adding "boom boom" (for balloon), "dabo" (for dipping, something he would do at every meal if it were up to him, even if it means dipping his apple in my split pea soup), "lello" (for yellow, although I'm not sure he's made the connection between the word and the color), and "baby" to his vocabulary, which now includes the very satisfying "mommy" and "daddy" in place of the variations he'd mastered during month fifteen. 

In other major news, Elias will be starting a very part-time daycare schedule tomorrow, giving me Mondays and possibly another drop-in day here and there to maintain my two Etsy shops (here and here, if you're interested in the little bit of time I spend not entertaining Elias), continue to look for that elusive teaching gig, make and try to show art, and just generally maintain my sanity.  One day oughtta be enough, right?  Okay, maybe not, but after 16 months at this job, one day will definitely help.  Not surprisingly, I'm feeling equal parts excitement and apprehension this evening.  Motherhood, man.  You just can't win.

Oh, and, by the way - Happy Halloween!

More fall fun to follow...

sleeping like a baby

Just in time for his 16 month birthday coming up, Elias has given us the gift of sleep once again. It still seems like he's not getting enough sleep, only getting about 10 hours at night and naps have been, well, all over the place the past few days, but there's significantly less screaming at bedtime and he's slept "through the night" (a phrase I thought would have lost its significance by now) the past few nights. One thing that seems to be helping with the bedtime routine is doing a little more of it while Elias is in his crib, rather than spending 45 minutes bathing, reading to, and generally coddling him and then dumping in his crib and immediately leaving the room. Tonight he even blew kisses and waved (then cried out, but very briefly) as we left, something he hasn't done for five or six months.

Anyway, I'm going to make good on a pact Neal and I made earlier this evening to get to bed early tonight. On that note, more updates later. For now, a quick photo recap of the past couple of weeks: first, during a trip to the Oakland zoo, where Elias managed to walk around the children's area without experiencing any face plants or major tantrums.

He's still not fond of holding our hands while walking, but he seems to be following direction a tiny bit better.  Otherwise, letting a toddler this age walk around on his own is like trying to corral a wild animal.  Extremely frustrating and potentially dangerous.

One morning last week while I finished getting ready Elias managed to get himself up into the chair we sit in to read books in his room.

I don't know if it's his expression or the fact that he climbed up into the chair on his own or the way he looks at books lately, but he seems like such a little boy to me in these images.

And some fun with a new toy, a toy that proved to be too much of a good thing and will hang out in his closet for a bit until the fun-frustration ratio levels out a bit.

More on the 21st (or so)...